Last Piece of Sanity
by windlady
Summary: Completed. It was never easy to love a figment of your fantasy..." Inspired by Kuroshitsuji. 'For AMICUS'.


**Last Piece of Sanity**

**windlady**

**W:** You thought I already died? I was sort of surprised to see people checking my profile and my stories out while I was away on a forced hiatus. It made me happy to know that I wasn't forgotten yet when I googled my soubriquet and got surprised to see a hit or two. Thanks. Here's a gift inspired by an anime entitled **Kuroshitsuji**.

**Disclaimer:** There is no logical reason as to why T-sama should hand Gakuen Alice down to a commoner like me. Also, there are no chances of me owning Kuroshitsuji. I am but only one hell of an admirer.

**Last Piece of Sanity**

**By windlady**

_Dedicated to:_ _**AMICUS**_

"_Because you, guys, and all our future members_

_are more than what my tantrums mean to me."_

"_It was never easy to love a figment of your fantasy."_

He wasn't insane.

He kept telling himself that since the day he received the latest request from the Queen. Over a cup of coffee, he sifted through several compilations regarding the case. The cup isn't his twelfth anymore.

He felt excruciating pain from his head as he closed the last log book of the 'Rose and Wood Theatre'. He took in a sharp breath of the changing November air as he lifted his lower extremities and rested them on his well-furnished wooden desk. He closed his eyes tightly.

_God_, he needs to take a break from all these bothering cases or he would really lose his sanity. But he was an earl as well as the Queen Victoria's best watch dog. He was her trustee vassal and he belonged to the Hyuuga clan which was why he was doing all he could to work things out. He couldn't taint their name, not when he's the only one left to carry it.

He's Natsume Hyuuga.

_Golden Clarion Lilies are elegant bell-shaped flowers of radiant yellow tints and slender deep green leaves. They bow humbly before admiring human eyes but exude the enchantment one can't find easy to resist. The smell of nature welcomed his senses. It was a lovely afternoon break. A flower landed on his forehead and he knew that she has been picking the lilies again. The petals spread against his skin while the stem pointed strongly at the sky. He can still imagine how ridiculous he looked like. He heard a stifled giggle._

"_Oh!" Her voice sounded too cheerful that day. "You've become a unicorn!"_

_Her laughter echoed in his ears as he continued pretending to be asleep. He stole a sneak glance of her face and saw her pinkish lips curved into his favorite smile. He felt proud. Her smiles were most precious to his heart. No, it wasn't her brightest smile nor was it her prettiest. But, for him, it was most special because he owned that smile and he's aware that she only smiles that way when she's with him. He allowed his lips to form his own smile too._

"_Squirrel."_

—CRING! CRING! CRIIING!—

His eyes fluttered open at the unlikable sound. A dream? He has never had one in years. And it had to be about her? He shook his head to whisk away his thoughts as he grabbed the noisy phone.

"What is it?" From the other end of the line, he heard noises and the static was unstable.

"It's me—Andou. You found anything of interest yet?" He heard several voices from his partner's background.

"No." He closed his eyes and massaged his temples. 'So another case has occurred.' He wasn't surprised. It is Tuesday today and time flew fast. It's already night. This is expected. The killer did commit a crime once again.

"Who's the victim?" He heard and exasperated sigh from the other end of the line and, by then, he can imagine how the guy's face looks.

"You won't believe this, man."

"Try me."

"Nogi's cousin. Alice Matsudaira."

His world stopped. _She_ assaulted Alice? The woman she revered so much? Is life playing a jest on him? The news just exploded in his ears and he couldn't seem to hear the rest of the details Tsubasa Andou reported. To say that his eyes fell out from his sockets was an understatement. He gripped like metal on the fringe of his table and clenched his teeth.

"How are Hayate and Ruka?"

"He's in shock while Nogi suffered cuts on his arms and several bruises all over his body."

He gave a relieved sigh. At least they're still breathing. "Alice Matsudaira?"

"She's still fighting for it. Too much blood is lost, Hyuuga."

He didn't know what to say at such news. Alice was too kind and fragile. He never figured she would be next.

"It's like the rest. I'd still conclude that the weapon remains a thread-like object. It's like they're playing with puppets, Hyuuga. It's like they're toying with us every Tuesday night."

"Send me the reports and pictures after an hour."

Tsubasa sighed and remarked in a voice which was rather calm but was unable to hide the frustration inside him. "We have to hurry."

"I know." As soon as the line went dead, Nastume grabbed a handful of his hair. He needs to do it now. He doesn't have much time to spare. This insanity has to end tonight.

"I'm sorry, Alice."

His guilt continued to pierce him as his fists curled into callous balls till blood began staining his carpeted floor. How he wished he can turn things back to yesterday…

_Her hair whipped his discreet face. "What's wrong, Nastume?"_

_He knew that she heard him sigh. "Nothing." His voice could have tricked anyone into believing that pretentious answer of his but she was different from them. She was way too special because she manages to hear his heart effortlessly even when she's too dense and carefree for her own good. She's a riddle, really._

"_You know, you can always tell me your problems, right?" Her smile was soft and comforting. It was just as strange as she is for it can somehow radiate warmth into his selfish heart._

"_No." His answer was to bring out the small playfulness in him._

"_Mou, why do you always have to ruin the mood?" Her lips compressed and formed an adorable pout. "Insensitive rich jerk."_

_Secretly, he chuckled at her retort. She needed not be so generous to him. No, he doesn't need her kindness. His selfish heart doesn't deserve her._

The alley is narrow and dark. Natsume treads it fearlessly. He doesn't enjoy going to bars and clubs but there is a particular club he must visit tonight. The sudden gush of wind played with his coat, lifting its ends and even dancing strands of his hair.

His eyes met with the beggars' of the black market. They are feasting on some leftovers of a restaurant from the Shopping District. They eyed him. Scrutiny. He felt them reading him. Like sharp knives, they sunk into his body. Why does he feel like they know what burden he is carrying? Oh, but they are experts in this field. They are filthy. Just like him. He stepped forward to a boutique when a keychain caught his eyes. He fondled it with his warm hands.

_Her hands were warm as she pulled him childishly to the shore. The sand still felt warm against his foot but the cool sea breeze began to embrace him. He was supposed to be annoyed as she randomly and without warning or permission pulled him into the exterior of the villa. He lost a shoe during the process so that only one of his feet was kept snug in his expensive foot wear. The guests would be searching for him but he knew she wouldn't let him go._

"_What is it?" He wanted to sound cold so that she'd allow him to go back sooner. They were not kids anymore. The guests wouldn't appreciate their escapade and she'd be put into a bad label. He doesn't care about what they'd say about him but, for her sake, he wanted to follow the proper etiquette. She stared at his face with big round eyes and he knew that he melted._

"_I'm sorry, Natsume…" she was sad. He, inwardly, cursed himself. "I was just…" Her voice died as she fondled with something from her back. He looked on to her with a softer expression._

"_Happy Birthday, Natsume…"_

_Her whisper made his heart beat fervently. Slowly and with outmost shyness, her hands were brought up between them, revealing a small box. It was covered in a shiny scarlet wrapper. He cautiously reached for it, somewhat scared to show any sign of the excitement building inside him or to damage anything which might upset her. He has never been too eager on any gift except then._

_He opened it, taking his sweet time. He smiled softly after seeing her gift. It's a keychain. A keychain of a young boy with clothes just like his usual attire and with a physique so similar to his own. The painting of it wasn't the loveliest._

"_I made that while my parents and I were on the cruise. It is not as good as the other gif—"_

"_Thank you."_

_He engulfed her within his arms and wished that she'd feel how happy his heart was. There were no more words needed. She returned the hug and comfortably closed her eyes. The warmth of their embrace was more than enough to express how special she was to him and him to her._

Too many lives have been lost now. Too many innocent people were involved helplessly into this insane game. His conscience can no longer afford to let things go on. His mobile phone vibrated and he knew that it is Andou who's calling him.

"Where are you?"

"Home." He lied as he continued on his way.

"The papers were delivered to the Queen's last night. She's troubled by it."

"We'll get it solved. Soon." Silence followed his statement and he began to doubt if Tsubasa knows about his plan tonight and was waiting for more words from him.

"Whatever it is…" There was a long pause before Tsubasa's voice surfaced again. "…that you're doing in that district tonight, stay safe."

Natsume smirked. He knew it. He knew that his partner already knows where he is. From Tsubasa's end of the line, he heard his own butler offer the guy a cup of coffee.

"Of course." His answer bore confidence. Then, the line went dead.

Seconds later, Natsume found himself facing a bright red wooden door with yellow light bulbs surrounding a label which says, "Rose and Wood Theatre". He clenched his fists and pushed it open.

"_N-NATSUMEEE!"_

_He rushed to her room and banged the door open, bright light blinded his sight. His heart pounded at the sight that welcomed him. Angela's puppeteer held her by the throat with a shiny knife from which the blinding light came from. A summoned beast was growling fiercely at him._

_He gritted his teeth. "Leave her out of this, Angela!"_

_A woman's wicked laughter echoed through the darkness of the room. "You've lost, Hyuuga." He grasped the sword he held tightly and prepared to lunge at the beast or the puppeteer or at whatever abomination Angela has prepared for him. To hell with everything, he won't let her die this Tuesday night. Especially not in Angela's hands. She has yet to dance a perfect ballet for him tonight as how she has promised and he still has so many things to tell her too. He rushed towards the beast in the best speed he has but the demon's fur was as hard as diamonds. It broke his sword and the demon's tail banged him on the wall._

_Blood dripped from his forehead as he heard his precious lady scream his name. "NATSUMEEEEEE!"_

_His vision slowly faded as he heard Angela say her jeering. "She's now my puppet, Hyuuga. Now and forever."_

Bright light and sweet music welcomed him. There is no one else in the theater. The theater housed only him and the ballerina who is dancing on the stage as Pachelbel's Canon in D Major played. It was the sound from his lady's music box. He gave her that as a gift when they were first introduced back when they were children of ages 5 and 6.

He paced closer to the uncaring ballerina. His hands went cold. While it is true that Angela who is mastermind of all the killings died 2 years ago by Natsume's own bare hands, the assaults and murders did not stop. It's always on a Tuesday night. And it has always been by a thread-like weapon with the women as victims. Thus, it was declared a phantom case. It confused everyone. Except him, that is.

His footsteps mingled with the music she danced. Her auburn hair is in a neat bun and her tutu follows her fluid movements as she continued dancing her enchanting ballet. She does better each Tuesday he watched her. However, tonight's performance is exceptional.

Rose and Wood Theater is a run-down place. It is old and there are no crowds to watch the graceful ballerina. Still, her dance has enticed Natsume for a year now. He has been selfishly enjoying her dances all by himself for a year since he discovered her whereabouts, in every Tuesday that had passed.

He lifted his arm and tried to touch her face. She steadied at the contact. Her face is blank and so are her eyes. Yes, they are still her wide hazelnut eyes but they no longer speak of her innocence nor radiate her overwhelming warmth.

His hands brushed against her rosy cheeks. Porcelain. She is as cold as that too. Her heart might still be beating but she doesn't know him. She can't remember because she is no longer the lady she used to be. He hugged her tight, smelled her hair, and kissed her cheek. She continued staring at nowhere, hearing only the music from her music box.

With sadness and desperation, Natsume hugged her once more, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Tonight, he ends this insanity. Tonight, he ends his selfishness. Tonight, the puppet dies. He plunged a dagger he carried with him into her neck, knowing fully that it is the only part of her which remained permeable as the rest were heavily coated by glossy porcelain. Her eyes widened and blood began to travel from her neck to her clothes, drenching her in thick crimson liquid. The music stopped. And Natsume stringently shut his eyes.

"M-Mikan…"

He's sorry that he was unable to save her that night. That he was too weak to fight and that he was too scared and too selfish to let her go and free her from suffering all the murders she had endured forcibly. Her knees wobbled and gave way as she began to fall down to the floor. Natsume gently assisted her body, still unable to look at her directly. He felt himself breaking apart. His mold is shattering into pieces as he held her hands. He freed her. Peace has been long delayed for his beloved. This insanity has taken too much already. All for his selfishness. All for his last piece.

_She held his hand as they strolled around the garden. The lake seemed so peaceful as the swans and ducks happily bathed themselves therein. She pressed his hand lovingly and he pressed hers back. Suddenly, she turned to face him and asked, "Will you always stay by my side? Huh, Natsume Hyuuga?"_

_So random. He wanted to tease her for being a cheese ball but something told him to do otherwise. He didn't like being all too mushy but he gave in and answered, "I'll always protect you… Mikan Sakura."_

_The lady beamed at him, childishly and made him do the pinky swear. His fiancée deserves to be the happiest and he'll surely do everything he can for her and her happiness. That's his promise._

"N-Natsu…me."

Natsume's eyes quickly fluttered open. 'It can't be—' He swiftly swerved his eyes to look at Mikan's face. She's smiling at him with her warm smile and her usual radiant hazelnut eyes. His eyes widened.

"Than..k… you…" she uttered faintly. "…f-for saving me."

Her words stung him as mixed emotions surged into his body.

"The ballet you did tonight… …is perfect."

Mikan answered it with a contented smile. She breathed deeply and slowly closed her eyes, finally finding her tranquil peace after 2 years of being slaved by Angela's insane commands.

He hugged her again, burying his head in the indention of her shoulder. He kissed her lips and whispered his love for her one last time. In his eyes, sadness confused with love and a tinge of happiness reigned. He won't ever be able to love anyone else. His heart belongs only to one girl.

That night he left the theater in a different light. With him is his precious lady and with her is his faithful heart. He gazed up on the heavens as his butler prepared the loveliest bed of roses for Mikan. He hopes she's happy somewhere across the heavens now that she's free.

"Hyuuga…" Tsubasa leaned against the wall of his mansion. "You did the right thing."

Natsume knows that Tsubasa has been aware of all his selfishness too but this guy never betrayed him nor forced the truth out of him. They're really partners. And one day, he knows he'd be able to repay him his understanding kindness.

About one year later.

"Natsume?"

He turned around to face the female voice. "Matsudaira, Alice…"

Hayate stood beside the lovely blonde, proudly. Tsubasa was also smiling at him from behind the couple. Slowly, Natsume took the bundle of cloth which Alice was handing over to him. Ruka patted his back as he eyed the innocent little baby who's contently sleeping wrapped within the soft fabric.

_Hayali Matsudaira._

This little angel is the life he saved that night. Little Hayali awoke and yawned. She blinked her tiny round eyes and looked at Natsume. He felt his heart tremble as a small giggle escaped the baby's lips. His eyes moistened a bit.

"Her warmth… is like hers."

This life is tough and it won't be easy to live on, knowing that his only reason already left this side of the world. But he'll live up for all his selfishness and he'll love her even from a separate world because love has never been easy but this love is the only and the truest he would ever know even if currently she belongs only to a figment of his fantasy.

'_Mikan Sakura…'_

She'll forever be with him. A smile crept on his lips as he clutched the ballerina keychain he bought from the boutique a year ago. Tonight, there's a new mission for him and his longtime partner and that is to baby sit Ruka's niece, little Hayali. It's silly but he's happy. He's also happy for his beloved who has found her peace. He'll live on for her and protect this kid till his last breath. His lady has always been wishing for the Matsudaira couple to have kids. And for her, he'll do anything. Even now that she already left him.

"_Hmph! Then how do I know that you'll never break your promise, arrogant Natsume?"_

_He smirked at her and lifted his right hand. "I never fall foul of a pinky swear."_

Because this is just as what he has promised. Just what he has promised them both.

_She'll always be in his heart._

_His last piece of sanity…_

_His Mikan Sakura_…

*****END OF STORY*****

**W:** Uh—don't mangle my leg?

I should have updated AL first, I know that. I also know that it's a different tone here. And she died here. And Natsume was sad. And Ruka was badly injured—so was Hayate. And there's no Hotaru. No, not even Sumire or Koko. And it wasn't the happiest thing on earth. And I didn't proofread this. Plus, it may also be confusing if you haven't seen Kuroshitsuji so…

…_YES_, you have _ALL_ the _REASONS_ to shave my head off my body but, before that, I'm willing to pass all your angry glares and pointed deadly weapons to **Hilaire** and **boldbrunette**. Because, honestly, I had enough time to update MPP2 and AL as well as publish this last week but they ended up eating all my time due to **AMICUS** (_see my profile, especially you, the Filipinos!_) when I could have given you my long delayed updates. Go ahead and lunge at them. I promise to keep quiet. (Ahaha..)

**JOIN US IN AMICUS**! Visit my profile.

This is my first Tragedy/Angst. It's a product of my unrequited fantasy of having 'Lizzie' of Kuroshitsuji become porcelain forever. I hope you enjoyed. Ask me whatever confuses you. Uh—and kindly **review**? Cheer me on because I'm losing my driving force to write. Ha-ha.

~windlady

(Revised: July 2012)


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